Yelp has become one of the most revered and feared online review platforms. On one hand, it’s widely respected because great reviews mean really great things for your business—new customers can see how great your company is and walk through your door as a result. On the other hand, Yelp can be scary, because as much as this review website can help you, it can also hurt your business if you get too many bad reviews.
Today we’re going to look at Yelp with a comedic eye and laugh at all those funny Yelp reviews that are left on business’s Yelp profiles. There are all kinds of reviewers out there, so check out what these reviews look like so you can prepare some replies to both the good and bad reviews.
The Impact of Yelp Reviews On Businesses
The story is similar to any type of online review, be it on Yelp or another platform. Gathering positive reviews for your company is crucial to building upon your success. Did you know 87% of people say a business needs an online rating of 3 to 5 stars in order for them to use the company? And, on average, a 1-star increase on Yelp can actually lead to 5-9% increase in your business’s revenue. That’s a pretty nice jump for passive marketing!
Now, more than ever, you should be working towards securing online reviews. Of course, you’ll want positive reviews, but every now and then, you may get bad reviews. Don’t let those bad eggs derail you—there are plenty of ways to handle those negative reviews you receive.
Funny Yelp Review Examples
Unfortunately, some people are prone to trash-talking a company after one sub-par experience. “Yelpers” take pride in their detailed reviews and have built quite a niche for themselves. Leaving Yelp reviews has become their own form of commentary or short story. And some of these Yelpers, even if they’re leaving a bad review, manage to be quite humorous in the process. Below are some types of funny Yelp reviews you may come across.
The Person Who “Really Wanted to Like This Place, But…”
There’s always a “but…”, and it’s usually some nuanced complaint that has no significant value for your business to grow from.
You know the kind—they’re snapping Instagrams before they even order their food… Only to find out three minutes later that you don’t serve gluten-free, fat-free, carb-free avocado toast with edible flowers on top. This person clearly didn’t read the menu before posting on Instagram, and they’re not going to be thrilled no matter what concoction your kitchen whips up. Don’t take it personally.
The Person Who’s Been-There, Done-That
And yet they keep returning to talk about it on Yelp. They’re too cool for you, and they want you to know it… In case you didn’t already know it from their “Elite” reviewer status and perfectly poised profile photo. But, just in case you didn’t, they’ll tell you.
The Happy Customer
While most funny Yelp reviews are negative, it’s still possible for positive reviews to add some humor into their reviews. The Happy Customer is the kind of person you want leaving you reviews forever and ever—their kind words are exactly what you’ve been hoping for.
The Yelp Star
Speaking of those “Elite” reviewers, there’s a whole pack of them and it seems they’re all friends. They write blog-post-length reviews about your business like their food critics for the New York Times, and all their friends interact with their reviews that do nothing more than reiterate everything that’s on your website. But, hey, at least it’s free advertising!
No, that wasn’t a typo in “Yelper.” The Yeller hates everything and tells you about it with all CAPS. Because the simple syntax isn’t enough to convey their anger. Yikes.
The Anti-Change Champion
A new store in my rural, charming town?! NO. Terrible. I hate it. Even though they have great window treatments, I hate it. Because of monopolies and gentrification and something about the stock market. (What?)
They walked into your store the first day it opened and noticed a few kinks that hadn’t been worked out. Instead of shrugging and understanding that this is normal for any business, they went straight to Yelp to talk about the incompetence of your employees. And, of course, they didn’t mention they visited on your first day of business.
The Bad Speller
It just hurts to look. Isn’t spell-check pretty much included on every computer and device nowadays?
The Bad, Good Reviewer
Some reviews are sprinkled with witty, negative language, and it takes awhile to realize it’s sarcasm. Reviewers take their comedic prowess all the way to the rating score, and you’re now suffering a not-so-funny 1-star review for pizza so delicious it made the reviewer gain weight.
Every now and then, a review will move to the rhythm of a metronome, and you suddenly realize the reviewer is a regular Dr. Suess. For these guys, it’s less about reviewing the company and more about being discovered as The Voice of His Generation.
The Person Who “Never Usually Writes Reviews, But…”
There’s that big but again. Always with the but.
The Person Who Just Wants to Complain
They loved everything about your company! The customer service, the product, the price. But they hated that you didn’t have comfy chairs outside the dressing room for their husband. So you only got 3 stars.
As you’ve probably realized by now, you can’t please everybody. There will always be someone who’s having a bad day, or, like the example above, just wasn’t in the mood for a bunch of Neil Diamond music. But that shouldn’t stop you from asking for reviews from your customers (especially the happy ones)—our templates may be helpful if you’re not sure how to ask.
Plus, you can always report inappropriate yelp reviews that cross the line. Just remember to always respond to all your reviews… whether they are negative or positive (here’s how to respond to positive reviews)!